Fifty shades of grey: a prequel
by kandyk267
Summary: Explores the early life of Christian Grey. How was Elena able to warp a young child's mind and have such a hold over him? (This is mainly a young christian/ Elena story which will include the events Christian talked about happening)
1. Chapter 1

**All rights belong to E.L. James**

"_What's up Gay Grey? Have you sucked any off today" A guy from my gym class_

_says._

_I try to ignore him._

"_You know my dad told me something the other day. It was really interesting. He told me that you can tell if a person is gay or not by whether or not they like to be touched"_

"_Well then honey they should have no problems diagnosing you" I say_

"_Where are you headed? I hear they sell crack in the back of the school. Is that where you're going?" My face falls and hardens_

" _I was actually on my way to suck someone off if you wanted to join" I say my voice flat and start to walk off._

"_Nah dude but really I wouldn't be surprised if that's where you were headed. Like mother like son right Christian" He laughs._

_I stop dead in my tracks and let out all the rage in my body. I wailed on him and kept punching him…ooh it felt good. I had to be pryed off of him and I struggled to get out of their arms to do more damage._

So here I was sitting outside the principal's office for about the third time this week. Needless to say I loved to fight; with every punch thrown I felt like I was letting off a little bit of the anger that helplessly consumed me. It felt fucking good. My mother I knew would be disappointed in me but it seems like all I do is let her down so she really should expect this from me. I hear voices down the hall and I know who it is. I feel ashamed that my mother had to leave work again to deal with my shit. I look up and I'm shocked to see Elliot instead of my mother arguing with the principal. They look like there having a rather heated discussion and when the principal can't take anymore he just walks away.

"Are you fucking kidding me Christian? This is the third time this week. How long are you going to keep this up? Do you know what he just told me? He said you are on your last strike and if this happens again your going to expelled. How many schools what that bring us up to?" Elliot rants.

I stare blankly ahead of me not paying attention to his words. I zone him out because I know the pain and trouble I cause my family and I feel bad for them. Out of three children I am the only one who fucks up but can they really blame me when they're so perfect. I start to wonder if they regret adopting me. They have two beautiful children: Mia and Elliot would it really matter if I just disappeared?

"Christian are you paying any fucking attention to me?" Elliot breaks me out of my thoughts.

I get up and start to walk away but am pulled back by Elliot.

"No one asked you to come. I'm sorry I fucked up okay." I say through gritted teeth.

"I'm here because my mom called me because the hospital wouldn't give her any more time off to deal with this shit" he notices the anger and my face and decides to let it go for now. We walk silently to the car and thankfully Elliot is back to his happy self. "You are gonna love college little bro. Parties every night. Beautiful babes everywhere. I get laid every night. It's awesome." Elliot continues his speech in his attempt to get me to better myself so I will go to college. Elliot is in his freshmen year at WSU. The professors hate him because he is the only person they've met who can get drunk, come to class with a hangover and still ace everything he does. They would literally do anything to see him fail.

"How mad are they?" I ask Elliot.

"Pretty mad but its not too bad. Mom didn't cry this time" he jokes. He turns to me with a serious look in his eye "Why are you doing this Christian?"

"I was pissed Elliot, the kid said something stupid leave it at that" I say dodging the real reasons for everything I do.

We walk into the house and I wrapped in a tight hug by my little sister Mia. I tense at her touch but she is allowed to hug which is something no one else has the right to do.

"Mom's mad at you again. What did you do? Did you get into another fight? Oh Christian please stop fighting" she whispers and she's close to tears. I mentally kick myself this is what I do to my family. I cause them pain and I hate myself for that. Im bringing my fuckedupness to this family and its affecting them.  
"I'll try Mia" I smirk at her hiding all the pain I feel inside.

"Christian can you come here for a second" my mother calls and I know its time to face her. Every step I take pains me and makes me feel more ashamed. I owe this woman everything and yet all I give her is stress. I walk into my dad's study and both my parents are sitting side by side with concern on their faces. I sit across from them and stare at the ground.

"Christian honey this has got to stop. Your growing up, it's not ok anymore to hit someone."my mom says and I hear the pain in her voice. "Is there a reason why the fight happened?"

I don't reply and let silence fill the air.

"The school said that you attacked this boy" My dad chimes in.

I still say nothing.

"You broke his nose and everything" he continues

"We're lucky the parents are not pressing charges and your hanging by a thread with the principal. Then what Christian? What are we going to do find another school? We're running out of those."

I don't even meet their gaze and continue to stare at the ground.

"For fucks sake Christian look at me when I'm talking to you" my dad yells. I have never heard my dad curse before and this forces me to meet his gaze but I avoid his eyes.

"This can not continue. What more can we do son. I'm doing the best I can to help you. Dr. Ross says you need a positive outlet for your anger" he rants. Fucking Ross the therapist I have been seeing who doesn't give a shit about anything except for my parents wallet. Most of our sessions end with me not saying a word and him continuing to ask me questions. I remember one time I asked him the questions he was asking me right back. It annoyed the shit out of him and I think it was our most productive session yet.

" My friend Mrs. Lincoln- do you remember her dear from the New Year's party- she has been renovating her house and needs someone to clean her yard from all the debris. I think that would help you let off some steam. She will pay you and you can earn some job experience. I think it would be good for you." My mother explains to me.

I look at both of my parent's faces and see the pain in them. I know this is not going to help me but I need to try for them.

"Okay" I whisper.

My mother smiles " Go wash up honey, dinner will be ready in an hour"

I leave my parents and walk into my room. I lock the door and find the bottle of my dad's whiskey under my bed. I take a long sip and feel some of the pain lift. I notice that I don't have much left. This job could be useful I could buy some bottles for myself and not have to sneak any out of the basement. I wish I could be more for my parents. They deserve more but all they got was me. I bet they wish they wouldn't have adopted me right about now. I continue to sip my whiskey and then slip it under my bed and brush my teeth. I hear laughter downstairs and think that's what they would be like without me : happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing. All rights belong to E.L. James**

Another fucking day here. I don't get understand the reasons for being here when I'm already failing five out of my six classes and it's only September. What's worse is that it is a shitty little private school that my dad found after spent months researching the best schools in our area. I sigh he always has such high hopes for me. I head to my locker and when I glance over my shoulder I see a couple of pretty girls around Mia's age looking at me and blushing. They only know the pretty face that's what attracts them. If they only knew the ugliness beneath they'd run away screaming from me like the monster I am. I can't understand love for myself. I see couples laughing and looking at each other with love. The looks they give each other are crazy but I can not understand love itself. I don't think I would be able to love someone else. My family is a different story, I love them but I can't explain it. I can't show it. It's hard to watch people hug each other and kiss each other when you don't understand it because you've never experienced it. I'm so fucked up that if someone tried to do that to me I'd either run away screaming or just resort to beating the shit out of them. I can't even be touched that's how disgusting I am. I remember once when I was seven my mom had a huge party at our lake house. One of her friends came to hug me and I screamed like I was in pain and ran. My mother was horrified but she knows how damaged I was. It isn't her fault and it kills me when I see the pain on her face because she can't touch me, but it is something I can't do. I like my space and I like not to be touched. I've been touched before but not the kind of touch anyone would want. I've been kicked, punched, beaten with a belt the point of being covered in whelps, used as an ashtray .. and the list goes on. Maybe this is why I'm so fucked up in the head. This thought fills me with rage as I remember who did this to me and I blame the crack whore once again. I can even blame her for giving birth to me in the first place. My life is just never ending pain and anger. And nightmares. Oh the fucking nightmares. I can't even find peace when I sleep. They're recurring and happen every night. I dream of being abused again and it kills me because I have no control over the dream. All I can do is just take the beating helplessly. Then I wake up screaming alerting my family of my pain. When Elliot was home he used to sleep with me after my nightmares but now that he is gone I am alone. I know my mother comes to check on me after she thinks I've fallen asleep and sometimes she even sits down and touches my hand. What she doesn't know is I don't sleep after having a nightmare I can't feel that torture again.

The girls are whispering to each other and one girl takes a step toward me with fear on her face. She continues to walk towards me but I can't let her anywhere near me so I just walk away. I hear her gasp and I know I've hurt her feelings but if she knew me she would be thanking me instead.

"Hey little bro" Elliot smiles as he is standing outside waiting for me after school.

"what are you doing her Elliot?" I ask him, Shouldn't he be in class right now?

"I'm here to take my brother to his first day of work at his ne job. He could maybe stop being an ass about it" Elliot jokes, Elliot then notices a group of girls staring at us.

"I think you have some admirers Christian. Do you want me to get their numbers for you? You could use you know"

"Fuck off Elliot" I say trying to hide my smile as I get into the car.

"I need to ask you a serious question Christian" Elliot starts "Are you a virgin?"

My mouth drops open. "I'm not going to answer that Elliot"

"If you are it's ok I didn't loose mine until I was fifteen. You can ask me any question you need to"

"I think you'll be the last person Ill come to for advice unless it's about crabs or herpes"

Elliot laughs and even I crack a smile.

"How's WSU? Aren't you supposed to be in Chem right now?"

"Yeah skipping school to be here is not really going to affect me. Besides Professor Wells is not my biggest fan"

"Can you blame him?"

"No I actually don't think I can. Who wouldn't be intimidated by a six foot tall blond god who gets more in a week than he does in his life"

"Of course Elliot" I smirk

* * *

"Stay safe. Call me if you need any advice. Use condoms" Elliot says as he drops me off. I shoot him the finger and I walk down the driveway. As I approach the Lincoln home, I notice all the renovations taking place outside. It seems they are adding on another section to the house. As I walk to the door I hear screaming and shouting. Should I even knock? I guess I have to do it in an attempt to please my parents. I ring the door bell and wait but no one comes to the door. Well there goes that.. I smirk. I turn to leave but as I do I hear the door open and am warmly greeted by a brunette middle aged woman. "Hi dear may I help you?" she asks.

" Yeah um I supposed to be doing some yard work for the Lincoln…. I'm Christian Grey."

"Oh yes, come on in sweety. The Lincoln's are in their study I walk you to them."

In the study I am met by a tense Mr. Lincoln who grips my hand firmly after introducing himself. He turns to introduce his wife and I finally get a glance at her. My jaw almost drops when I see her. She's tall, has an amazing rack, beautiful legs and blonde hair that falls beneath her shoulders. She's fucking hot I think to myself. She holds her hand out for me "Elena Lincoln"

When she shakes my hand I can see her eyeing me up and smirking. I feel at a loss for words and all I can think of is to say my name.

"cc c Christian Grey" I stutter.

"I know sweety" she smirks. I don't remember if I already told her my name or not. Mr. Lincoln then leads me out of the study and gives me an official tour of the renovations. I have half a mind to tell him I don't give a flying fuck about it. I'd just rather get my work and do it but seeing as he is my new boss I don't think it would be too good of an idea. Finally the tour ands and he shows me the yard. I groan as I look upon what appears to be a junkyard. There is debris everywhere. Mr. Lincoln also tells me I can assist with the landscaping once all the debris is cleared out. He hands me a pair of gloves, trash bags, and a rake and then walks back inside without another word. He leaves me shocked and pissed off because I don't take being treated as shit pretty well but I need to try for my parents not to cause trouble. I start to rake the debris and stuff it into the trash bags.

Two hours later I'm sweating and it looks as if nothing has been done. It is a fucking hell hole here. I start to wonder if this is even worth it. Could I convince my parents to let me work somewhere else? Out of the corner of my eye I see Mrs. Lincoln carrying a glass of lemonade in her hand and walking toward me. Thank fuck for that because I am really thirsty.

"How's the yard work going honey? Barbra made you some lemonade"

I take the lemonade and feeling pissed I say "How the fuck does it look?"

My face is met by the hand of Elena Lincoln. She slaps me as hard as she can and my face is already thinking.

I stare at her shocked but what she does next shocks me more. She grabs my face and crashes her lips onto mine. Her mouth dominates mine and all too quickly it ends. Her hand comes up for another slap and then she turns away and walks straight back into the house. She leaves me stunned, excited and a little turned on. I feel the spot she has just slapped and just stand there. No one has ever slapped me like that but strangely I liked it. No one has ever kissed me before let alone like that. It was like she was hungry and was feeding off of my lips. Strangely I really liked that too and did not care that she touched me.

The house maid, whom I now know as Barbra, interrupts these thought. "Mr. Grey I think it is ok for you to go home now. Mr. Lincoln says that you are to stay two hours a day three times a week and I am to check your progress before I dismiss you. I can call someone to pick you up if you need me to"

"Thank you" I whisper and walk out towards the driveway. Barbra calls my dad and he arrives within twenty minutes. I can't stop thinking about her. She's gorgeous. The way she kissed me was amazing it was like a weight of anger was being lifted off my shoulders. I smile as I get into the car.

* * *

"Well you seem to be in a happy mood" he exclaims.

I nod my head and continue to smile. I start to wonder what my dad would think if he found out but I can't think about that right now. I just had my first kiss.

"I hope this cheery mood continues into your appointment with Dr. Ross"

"I have an appointment today?" I ask confused.

"In about thirty minutes. I thought we might have to cancel it today but it seems like you finished in perfect timing. You can let Dr. Ross know about your new job and how it might help you let off some steam"

"I will dad" If I got kissed like that everyday I don't think there would be any anger left in my body.

We wait in the waiting room for my name to be called. For once I don't mind being here.

"Christian Grey. Dr. Ross will see you now" his assistant says. My happy mood leaves as I walk to his office and sit on the couch. Dr. Ross has a big book as my file and he is already taking notes

"Hello Christian how was school?" he asks me.

"How was your day Mr. Ross" I ask sarcastically and I rest my head on my hand acting like I am really interested.

"Christian this is not going to work if you don't answer the questions"

"What is not going to work Mr. Ross?"

"You need help Christian, you are a very troubled young boy" he answers/

"Thank you for pointing that out sir" I say.

He sighs. "Let's try something else. I heard you got into another fight at school yesterday. Do you want to talk about that?"

"Not really no"

"That's ok. I do recall speaking with the principal of your school yesterday who informed me that the fight started after an insult to your mother"

My smile fades.

"It is perfectly normal for a child to feel protective of their mother regardless of whether they knew them or not"

"You don't know what the fuck you are talking about"

"I understand what it is like to love my mother" He says.

I smirk. "My mother was a crack whore Ross. I did not love her if anything I hate her for giving birth to me"

"I'm sorry she died. Do you want to talk about that? It wasn't your fault and you couldn't have saved her. You were only a child."

I close my eyes as I remember seeing her dead body on the ground. I remember touching her and feeling her. Oh fuck. I stand up with rage pouring out of my body.

"Shut the fuck up" I shout

" Christian please sit down our session is not done yet"

"Fuck you Ross" I say as I storm out.

"Always a pleasure Mr. Grey" he remarks.

I see my dad waiting for me and he can see how tense I am.

"How did it go?"

"Perfect. Ross and I were just planning to head out for some drinks" I storm out of the building.

"Christian.."

"Dad I don't want to see him anymore. I don't need this kind of therapy. Obviously it is not helping me"

"Christian you know I love you" I tense at these words "I'm your dad I'm going to do everything in my ability to do what's best for you. Even if it's making you go to a therapist you do not like. I've researched all the therapists in our area and Dr. Ross is the best one within one hundred miles of us"

Wow then I must really be fucked up if even he can't help me. What hope is there for me?

"But I will research again to find others who you might connect to better"

I realize how hard he is trying for me.

"Thanks dad, I'm sorry about Ross"

He smiles. "Let's get home I think Wanda is going to let your mother cook tonight. It should be interesting" he jokes.

I head straight to my room and lay on my bed. All I can think about is Elena. I can't get her out of my head. Her kiss was electric. I am shocked that I didn't feel angry at her touching me, I actually felt calm. I realize that if there is any hope of fixing me it is her: it will be Elena Lincoln who fixes me.

**Review please….. I'm trying to decide whether or not to continue this story**


	3. Chapter 3

**I wanted to thank nugget1 again for having the original story and for sending it to me. I envision Charlize Theron as Elena when I write the story but I know everyone has their own image of her. **

**Chapter 3**

_I'm sitting in the living room playing with my new train set. This is one of the only toys mommy has ever bought me so it is my favorite. I like to roll the train and watch it roll by itself. My mother comes out of the room and sees me playing with my train. A man follows her out and they are both wiping their noses. Mommy has a lot of friends who visit her. Whenever they come over mommy tells me to stay in the living room and not to bother her. Her friends don't stay long and they never seem to notice me. I continue to play with my train when there is loud banging on the front door. "Shit" my mother says. I see her run and grabs some white bags off the counter and she goes to her room. The bags are filled with something white and mommy told me to touch them. I see mommy open the door and I'm scared. He is mommy's best friend but he does not like me all. I try not to make him mad but he always is mad at me._

_"Where is my money" he asks mommy._

_"Here" I see her hand him some money._

_I see him slap mommy. " where is the rest?"_

_Mommy is crying " that's all of it" "you are going to have to work a fuck of a lot harder than that bitch. Go make your pathetic ass useful and get me something to eat" Mommy runs to the kitchen and leaves me alone with him. I don't like to be left alone with him. He sits at the table and watches me. I don't like to look at him so turn away. I hear him laugh."what's wrong you don't like me?" I continue to play with my train set. " hey kid I'm talking to you." "Come here you little shit" he says but I don't want to go. "I SAID COME HERE" he yells at me. I walk over to him. "Are you going to answer me when I talk to you?" I stare at him and he slaps me. I'm scared so I shake my head yes. He slaps me again"use your words" "yes" I say as I start to cry. He slaps me again and I fall to the ground. "I didn't hear you what did you say?" "Yes" and I scream when he kicks me. I see mommy and I cry for her but she does not help me. She walks away leaving me. He takes off his belt and I scream._

I wake up covered in sweat. That was one of the most intense dreams I've had in a while. It feels so real and I can still feel him beating me. I try to shake it out of my head an think about something else but I can't stop thinking about it. I hear footsteps by my door and my heart beat quickens. "Christian" the voice whispers "Christian wake up". Shit I know that voice. I rush to the door and sure enough there stands Elliot in all of his blond god glory.

"what the fuck Elliot" how did he even get in here without waking any of us up?

"Do you want to see what college life is like for bit? Some of the guys wanted to play pool and we were thinking about going to Clayton's".

"Elliot its 2:30 the fucking morning".

"I know you need your sleep princess but how many chances do you get to sneak out and play pool at 2:30 in the morning with your cool older brother and some college kids?"

"Hopefully none".

"Come on Christian I drove all they way here to pick you up" I think about it for a moment and I know it's either go out with Elliot or sit here and continue to think about my nightmare.

"Give me a minute".

"alright buddy!" he says with a grin.

* * *

When I get to Elliot's jeep I see a group of his friends smushed into the backseat. I'm glad he left the front seat open for me because he knows I don't like crowds. " we'll if isn't baby Grey" one of the assholes in the back say.

Elliot turns and introduces me " Andrew,Jack,Raphel and Josh. My baby brother is going to school your asses at pool"

"want to put money on it Elliot?" Jack asks.

" 50 bucks and a round of beer for everyone else".

" Done" he says.

Elliot leans towards me and whispers " you better win I don't have 50 bucks with me" of course. Typical Elliot.

"Come on Christian. Kick his ass don't embarrass me" elliot tells me as I'm on my last colored ball.

"I think he's got it Elliot"

"Get ready Jack I could use another beer" Jack rolls his eyes and I aim ready to shoot. I hit it and manage to knock both the colored ball and the black one in.

"Yes" Elliot jumps up. He's on his third beer and he's already a little drunk. He flags down a waitress "Another round here for everyone. My lovely friend here is going to be picking up the tab for this one" Elliot says as he slips his arm around Jack's shoulder.

* * *

Grace POV

It has been nine years since Christian was brought into my life. I remember the very second I saw him. That is something I will never be able to forget no matter how hard I try. I was at the hospital-by fate as that was my last day there-when they brought him in. They explained to me how his mother committed suicide and that he had been left with her body for four days. He hadn't spoken a word to anyone.

_How could a child stand that? Why did no one come for him? I peek over at him and see him sitting silently in a chair with his had in his hands. I slowly approach him not wanting to startle him. "Christian?" his head pops up and I am met with the most beautiful grey eyes I have ever seen. His eyes make him look older because they hide something dark beneath them. "I'm Dr. Grey, do you mind if I check you?" My only reply is "where's mommy?" My heart swells again and I feel as if I might collapse. How do I tell this poor child that his mother is gone? " Did she leave me again?" He asks. I kneel down and look at him. "No sweety. Your mommy is gone but she did not leave you. I need to check you now" I lead him to an examination room and I sit him down as I check for physical wounds. The first thing I notice is how malnourished he looks like he has not eaten in weeks, maybe even months. I then check his body. I stop at his arms when I notice some bruises. I pull up his sleeve and see more bruises so I decide to carefully take off his shirt. I am horrified by what I see. There are bruises, whelps and what appears to be cigarette burns on his chest. I am shocked. Who would do this to a child? I reach out to touch his burns but he immediately pulls back and runs to the corner." Christian it's ok I am not going to hurt you" I kneel beside him and I am lost in his beautiful eyes. That's when I knew. I knew that he would be mine and that I would take care of him and protect him from the dark world he knew. That's the day I met my son._

Those were the only two words my son spoke to me for four long years. I was only spoken to by nods and hand gestures. I was also not allowed to touch him because of his trauma. That was the hardest and most painful part. It is hard for a mother not to touch her own child especially because of pain they have experienced. This angered me and sometimes I found myself screaming at his birth mother for allowing all of his suffering. Then I remind myself it was not her fault, whatever situation she was in I cannot judge. I only feel sorry for her because she missed out on an amazing son. Christian was very self contained growing up and he did not make many friends. I do not want him to live like that. I don't want his previous pain to affect his life forever. It is not fair to him. He deserves happiness. Carrick and I do the best we can to help him let go of his past but he has never opened up to us. We have to rely on therapists who seemingly don't help my son.

I walk towards the kitchen and hear some music playing. As I follows the sound I see Christian at the piano deep in thought playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I smile he learned that piece when he was ten. He could not wait to play it and he practiced every single day until he learned it. This is Christian's element. It is the only time when they pain is gone from his face and he is at peace. I close my eyes and listen. It's perfect. It's amazing. He has improved so much. I feel tears in my eyes as I watch him play with so much skill. That's my son I think. I can't stop the tears from coming down my face. Christian stops and looks at me embarrassed. "Don't stop playing sweety" I beg. He turns back to the piano and continues to play and I move closer towards him smiling.

* * *

"Christian please help me" Mia whines following me up the stairs and into my room.

"Mia I have to leave in an hour"

"it will only take twenty minutes please"

I sigh and she jumps up and down and takes out her chello. I sit on my bed and wait for her to begin. She sits in a chair across from me and starts to play rather beautifully but all of a sudden I hear a squeak. I laugh. "Don't laugh it's not funny" she cries. "Ok I'm sorry. It's not funny" "I don't understand why my friends like you your such a meanie. I always mess up on that part I can never get it right"

"here let me see it" I show her how to properly play it and then give it back to her to play. She replays it and finally gets that part correct. She hugs me and I can't help but tense. "Thank you Christian!..I haven't been in your room in so long" she says as she begins snooping stops at my picture board and I know what's she's looking at but I hope she doesn't bring it up." You look so much like her"

" no I don't" I snap.

"Yes you do. She was very beautiful"

"It's time to go Mia" I push her out of my room ignoring her protests. I look at the picture and tear it from the board. I am nothing like this woman. I want to rip it to shreds but I find myself not able to do it so I place it back on the board. I sigh. The only exciting thing happening today is I get to see Elena again. My mind races with excitement as I think about her. What is she going to say to me? Is she going to ignore me or will she kiss me again?

* * *

Barbra once again greets me warmly at the door and leads me to the same study where I first met the Lincoln's. When I walk in I see Elena curled up on a chair deeply reading a magazine. Her blonde hair is pulled up from her face and she is wearing a tight dress with a jacket over. She looks up at me when I walk further into the room and smiles. My nerves pick up.

"Would you like me to start on the yard work now Mrs. Lincoln?"

"No that won't be necessary today, I would like us to chat. Please call me Elena" She gestures me to sit down.

"How was school today Christian"

"Fine"

"I don't believe that" she says and smiles. Her smile is so intriguing. I stare at her and its like she understands me. Its strange i've never felt so connected and calm with another person before.

"How was school really Christian?"

I contemplate only for a second and tell her "It was shitty like always"

"Why is that?" She seems so interested -in me. I don't think i've met someone who truly cares this much, most people ignore me and that's fine with me. With her it's different.

"Well I manage to piss off all of my teachers just by showing up"

she laughs. "Yes i've heard of your escapades Mr. Grey"

"Yeah i'm know to cause trouble"

"So am I" she smirks "Do you not like school?"

" I really don't see the point. I'm not passing anything and nothing I learn is really important."

"Well that simply won't do will it? School is very important for you Christian. You are a very bright young man. You can go very far if you put your mind to something. You have too many opportunities for you to fail out. I am not going to let that happen

I sit there and try to process her words. She won't let me?

"Come I want to show you something" She takes my hand and leads me down the hallway to a door. She reaches for a key in her jacket and slowly opens the door. She allows me to go in first and then follows me in. I glance around the room. All I see is a bed, a couple chests, a radio and another door. What the fuck is this? She turns on some music and I smile as I remember the music.

"Chopin cello Sonata?"

"You know it?"

"It's my favorite" she walks toward me and instantly I feel very nervous. She removes her blazer and I don't know what to do.

"Have you ever touched a woman before Christian?" I shake my head no. She takes my had and runs her finger from my arm to my fingertips sending chills down my spine. Then she places my hand at her neck and glides it down stopping at her breast. She moans as she presses my hand there and then moves my hand further down. I gasp. She smiles and lets my hand go. She reaches out to touch me and I step back. "I know, I won't touch you there" she says calmly. Her tone is peaceful and I trust her words. She traces the line of my jeans.

"You've never been touched before, have you Christian?"

"No" I whisper

I feel her hand trace my length and I can't help a moan that escapes my lips. She grabs my face and pulls my lips towards hers. She dominates my mouth again but this time I kiss her back. She wraps her fingers in my hair and her tongue slips into my mouth.

"Mrs. Lincoln?" Barbra knock on the door interrupting us.

Elena rolls her eyes "Yes Barbra"

"Mr. Lincoln is on the phone he said it was really important"

"I think it's time for you to go home today Christian" Elena tells me. She cups my face and places a gentle kiss on my lips and we both walk outside to see an embarrassed Barbra.

"I'll call someone to pick you up Christian" she says and hurries off.


	4. Chapter 4

Wow. Thats the only word I can think of to describe Elena, to describe how I feel when I'm around her. She leaves me speechless. It's incredible. It's undescriable. I am on an Elena high. I can't think of anything else. She consumes me. With her all the pain is forgotten for a little while. The way she touches me excites me. That is shocking to me. No one touches me but with her it's different and I can't understand why. Is this what those couples feel like? I am grinning like an idiot as I walk down the stairs and without realizing it walk straight into my dad.

He notices my smile and says. "I was just looking for you, come let's have a talk"

we walk into his office and I see all the pictures he has of us up. "So judging by your good mood I see you are enjoying your new job?"

"Yeah I guess"

"How is everything going with the rennovations? I've been meaning take a look at them myself"

"Fine" I reply. I have no idea how they are going. I haven't exactly been paying attention to them as I have been a little preocupied engaging in some rather different activities while at the Lincoln's.

"Ok then, I take it that you saying a minimal amount of words is a sign that you really like this job?"

"I do dad, I really do"

"Good" he smiles. "I have been researching some different therapists in our area and I have found one that is seemingly qualified but I need to warn you Christian if this does not work out then you will continue to see Dr. Ross"

He really has kept his promise for me "I understand"

"I think Mia was looking for you earlier to help her with her chello practice but if that does not interest you we could always go to a Mariners game" he says as he pulls out the tickets.

I smile "While that does seem interesting I think I'll opt for the Mariner's game"

After school I walk down to one of my "favorite places", thankful for the peace and quiet because I am alone. I love when it's quiet but then again it gives me time to reflect on my problems. While I am walking I see a couple of kids pulling out a blunt and smoking it and laughing with out a care in the world. I shake my head. I could not do that. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would be nothing like the crack whore. That is not the life that I want. I don't want to spend my whole life addicted to something that will in the end kill me. I stand in front of the familiar sign Greenwood Corner Grocery. It is the only place that has liquior on the shelves so it's easy to slip a bottle into my backpack and the only grocery that does not have cameras. I pull my hood over my head and walk in. Shit. It's pretty empty in here today. I start walking down an aisle pretending to be looking at some candy bars, what any normal kid my age what be doing. I see the liquior and slowly inch my way towards it. I quickly glance around to see if anyone is looking. I see whiskey and bourbon on the shelf and opt for the bourbon. I slip the bourbon in my backpack and sigh in relief. The only reason I have to do this is my dad has become suspicious of his missing liquior and the person who usually sells me it is on vacation in Miami. I need it to calm me down everyday so I have resorted to this.

"hey kid, what are you doing?" I see the cashier who welcomed me making his way towards me. Shit. I bolt down the aisle and see the door. The cashier is chasing me and yelling at others to stop me. I evade the grip of another employee and continue with my escape. It is then that I notice that one of them has blocked the exit. I turn the other way noticing a back door and run towards it. On the way I decide to take out the bottle of bourbon just in case I am caught. I set it down and continue to the back door. I reach the door but when I open it I am caught in the grip of a police officer. I don't like the way he is touching me so I try to pull myself away from him. He notices this and tightens his grip yelling for someone to help him hold me down. The cashier removes my backpack while he puts me in handcuffs. "What the hell kid?" he asks out of breath from struggling with me. I hear the cashier explain to him how he saw me by the alchol and he saw me slip something into my backpack. The officer glances at me and then begins to search my backpack. Then I realize I am exactly like her. Look at me, the hypocrite. Here I am stealing for my own addiction. I can't do this anymore. I can't end up like that. I need help. I need Elena.

Finding nothing the officer looks at me " Why were running if you didn't have anything"

I shrug. "Do you have anyone to call? I need a parent to explain everything that has just occured here." Without thinking I give him Elliot's number. Elliot pulls up fifteen minutes later giving me time to reflect on myself. His eyes widen when he sees me in handcuffs.

"What is the problem here" he asks the officer.

"I'm sorry I will need to discuss that with a parent"

"Well then considering that's my son I suggest you start talking"

"Do you really expect me to believe that? You don't look that much older than him"

"I've made some poor choices in my life. Now will you please take my son out of the fucking handcuffs?"

"Do you have any identification so I can verify your relationship to your son? " He spit the last word out

"I don't. I must have forgotten it on the rush to get here"

"Then I am sorry but I can not release him to you"

"I think you can. You see I'm pretty familiar with the law system myself. I don't know if you've ever heard of Grey Law firm? Hi I'm Carrick Grey" Elliot holds his hand out sarcastically introducing himself. "And I know for a fact it is illegal to detain someone without bringing charges against them. What are the charges being brought against him"

The officer hesitates "There are none"

"Then I suggest you take off the handcuffs but if you want to continue this argueme just know that it will cost you any chance you ever have of working for the FBI again I will make sure of it" The officer gives Elliot one last glance and walks over to me to undo the handcuffs.

"I don't want to see you on this property again or I will arrest you for trespassing. Do you understand"

I nod.

"What the fuck Christian" Elliot yells as soon as we're in the car. I stay silent not knowing what to say.

"I get a call saying that I need to come pick you up and then I see you in handcuffs? What were you doing? Is this what you want? Do you want this to be your life?"

"No"

"Well it sure as fuck looks that way. Grow up and get your shit together Christian"

"What were you doing?"

"Nothing"

"Obviously it wasn't nothing if he had you if fucking handcuffs"

"I'm sorry Elliot...I need help" I whisper the last part so low that he doesn't hear.

"Sorry for what? Waisting your life? This is not you Christian. What are you trying to do? Tell me so I can help you"

We pull up the driveway "Are you going to tell them?" I ask nervously

He stays silent for a minute "Get your shit together Grey"

* * *

**ELLIOT POV**

I watch him walk up the driveway and I can't believe that I'm covering for him. I can't even recognize him right now. What is he doing with himself? I sigh and rest my head back against my seat and close my eyes. My mind travels to when I met my brother for the first time. My mother had warned me to be nice.

My mother walked him to me but he hid behind my mother like he was scared of me. "It's ok Christian, this is your brother Elliot" she says soothingly. I continued to stare at him until he came closer to me. I didn't know what to do so I looked at my mother and then looked down at the toy train I had in my hand. I held out the train towards him and he looked at me warily before taking it and smiling.

I was jealous of him when he first came home because I was no longer an only child and he seemed to get all the attention. Thats changed very quickly. Christian didn't really speak to me for a while. He liked to be alone but we still used to play together. I remember learning about his haphephobia the hard way. We were playing cars in my room when we started fighting over a firetruck. We both pulled at it but Christian ended up winning the struggle. I was so mad that I pushed him in his chest. His eyes widened and he dropped the truck. He let out the loudest scream and looked like he was in pain. He ran from the room crying. I was so shocked that I just froze. After calming Christian done my mother walked into my room and I just broke into tears. I didn't know what I did wrong. My mother held me and explained to me that Christian had been hurt in the past and he reacted like that because he was remembering those times. She told me that I had to avoid touching him or it would bring back those painful memories. I also remember the first time I saw his scars.

"Christian come on" I say as we sneak off from our babysitter to go swimming. Christian follows behind me glancing back towards the direction of our house. I roll my eyes Christian was always the goody too shoes of the family, he always listens to whatever our parents said. "It's too late to go back now we're already here" I take off my shirt and jump in the pool. I see Christian just staring at me. "Come on it's fun, jump in" He hesitates but he finally decides that I'm right. He slowly lifts off his shirt and that's when I notice some circular scars on his chests. What is that I ask myself. Christian sees me looking and tries to cover his chest. I get out of the pool and walk over to him. "Did someone do this to you?" He looks away and there is pain on his face. I know that look, it is the look he has whenever he thinks about what happened to him before he became a part of this family. Someone hurt my brother that's all I can think about. Rage pours from my body and I feel like I am about to cry. "No one is going to hit you like that again" I say to him. I give him his shirt and we silently walk back to the house.

I made a vow that day to protect my brother from everything and anyone who wanted to do him harm. No one was allowed to touch my brother. I laugh as I remember that I was the one who used to get into fights. Whenever anyone would pick on Christian or would try to touch him, I would always make sure they would never do it again. I became my brother's protector.

Christian was always the sweet one growing up. He liked to be alone but he would always willingly help us when someone was wrong with one of us. When I had measles, Christian was the one who really took care of me. He helped my mother prepare my meals and he would sit with me when I wasn't sleeping. Sometimes I think he might have even sat with me when I was sleeping. He has always been devoted to protect the things he loves and he would get angry when he couldn't fix the situations we were in.

He really started to break out of his shell when Mia came. He adorned Mia from the start unlike when he first met me. He felt it was his job to protect her just like I felt it was my job to protect him. Mia also got him to talk. He used to call me llijot because he could pronounce my name. I smile, it used to piss me off so much and I blame Mia that I had to deal with that for two years until he learned how to correctly pronounce my name. What shocked me the most about Mia was that he had allowed her to touch him. The first time I saw Mia hug him, I froze waiting for his response and to correct Mia. Christian only tensed but he allowed it. I always thought maybe he would allow me to do the same but I never wanted to push him past his comfort so I never tried.

I am starting to wonder who my brother is. Why is he acting like this? When I saw him in handcuffs my heart sank. I don't want his life to end up like that or worse like his birth mother. I can not just sit back and watch it happen. I sigh as I pull out of the driveway seeing "the boy with the most beautiful grey eyes" enter the house. I head back to WSU campus. What am I going to do with you Grey I think.

* * *

Finally I think as the weekend is over. I need to see Elena, all I did the whole weekend was think about her. She consumed every thought in my mind. I walk through the house into the study but am horrified when I see Mr. Lincoln along with Elena deep in conversation. Oh shit does he know? My heart quickens and I freeze.

"Oh there you are" Mr. Lincoln says suprisingly cheerful "I was on my way to work but when I say the yard work I thought I needed to tell you myself how good of a job you are doing"

Im confused so I glance at Elena. She is smirking and she nods her head.

"Thank you Mr. Lincoln"

"When Elena talked me into hiring you I have to admit I was a little skeptical because of all the trouble you get into but you proved me wrong. People rarely prove me wrong"

I nod my head.

"Well I better leave you to it" he says as he walks out.

"What the hell is he talking about Elena?"

"We needed the yard work done so I hired someone to do it"

"Why would you do that"

She smirks and walks towards me. She kisses me and I sense all of my confusion and restless thoughts about her lift. Her tounge slips into my mouth and it's like magic. Her hands grips my length and I moan. "I need to talk to you Christian" she take my hand and lead me to yet another room. She sits me on the couch and walks over to the shelf. I'm nervous sitting there. What does she want to talk about? I see she has something behind her hands as she takes a seat in front of me. She puts something in my hands and I glance down. What is this? In my hands is a long stick with some strips of leather coming out of it.

"Do you know what this is Christian?"

"No" I say as I continue to look at it in confusion.

"It's called a flogger. Do you know what it does?"

flogger? Then it clicks. "You use it to hit someone?"

"Yes but not in the way you are thinking about. It's for pleasure"

I snort "People can be beat for pleasure?" this is a new idea to me.

"Yes, trust me"

"Why are you showing me this Elena?"

"I want to use it on you Christian."

"You want to beat me" I say bitterly

"I want to pleasure you." The way she says it makes me believe her so I calm down. How can she calm me down with just her words when my own family can't even calm me down?

"Do you know anything about bdsm?"

"No really but I know it has something to do with this" I say as I lift up the flogger.

"Christian it's much more than that. The basis of bdsm is the dominant/ submissive relationship. The dominant provides everything that the sub needs including pleasure. The sub provides the dom with whatever they want"

"What do you want Elena"

"I want you to be my sub Christian"

I stare at her shocked but intruiged by her words.

"Christian I want to touch you more but I cannot unless you agree to this. This a part of who I am, it is a part of me. I want you Christian but this is the only way I can have you. If you cannot agree then I understand but know that this will be it. I will finish the yard work and you will be done here without another word but there will be no more contact between us"

I hesitate before asking "What would it be like?"

"I will be your Dom Christian. This means you must obey what I say. You are giving up your control and surrendering to me. I will put you before anything and everything I demand you to do will be beneficial to you. We will experiment. I do like to play, very much. I can show you things that will pleasure you in ways you have never imagined"

"What about the beatings" I ask not caring about anything she can show me. I only care about her.

"It is nothing to be afraid of. I would never hurt you any more than you can take"

I stay silent and stare at my feet.

She cups my face and bringing my eyes to hers. "There is pleasure in pain Christian. Anything I do you will enjoy I promise. The only time you need to be afraid of me is when I punish you but it will be for something you did to disobey me or to cause harm to yourself" She brushes my cheek with her hand "Think about it Christian but if you don't choose it, this will be it" She kisses me with passion and I kiss her back with all the passion in my body like this will be the last time. The can not be the last time I think to myself. She breaks away and leaves, leaving me confused and scared.

I walk into my room feeling pissed and confused. I take the whiskey out from under my bed and gulp down the remaining contents of the bottle. Could I do this? She wants to beat me. My mind wanders back to my past and I shudder but something inside me that it will be nothing like that. Maybe I could enjoy it. Shit. I throw the bottle against the wall feeling enraged. I sit down with my head in my hands. How does she do this to me? She can calm me down or wound me up with just her words. I need her. I can not loose her. She is my hope. I feel alive when I am with her. I lay my head back and wonder what it would be like. I would never do this with out her and the only reason I am even considering it is because it is her. The thought of doing this with Elena actually excites me. She said she wanted to touch me, that she would never harm me more than I can take, that she would put me before everything. That last part makes me smile. Does she feel these same feelings for me? I don't know. I do know one thing: I can not loose Elena Lincoln. I know then my choice is made.


	5. Chapter 5

_It's my birthday today. Mommy is baking me a cake. It's a chocolate one because that's my favorite. I watch mommy cook and she even let me crack the eggs. That was fun. I don't see mommy too much but I love mommy. My tummy hurts and I can't wait to eat the cake. There is a knock at the door and I see one of mommy's friends come through the door. Maybe he came to eat it cake with us. Does he know it is my birthday? Did he bring me a present? Mommy tells me that I need to stay in the living room again and they go to her room. My tummy hurts really bad so I go to look at the cake, it is still in the oven. I open the door and reach for the cake. I pull my hand back and cry, it was really hot. I sit there crying but mommy is still in her room. When mommy comes out she looks at my hand and puts it under the sink. I see her throw the cake away and I start to cry more. My tummy hurts and mommy leaves me. She takes some packets and goes to her room._

I wake up and sigh. I have that dream every birthday. Shit. I forgot it was my birthday today. My parents have planned a whole big party at their lake house. I hate parties because I don't want to be the center of attention. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want anyone to touch me or lie and tell me how great of a kid I am just to get into good terms with my parents. I slowly get out of bed and walk to my picture board. Every birthday I can't help but think about her, she did give birth to me this very day. What did she think about me? Was I just some kid who she got knocked up with and who always got in her way? I am this fucked up because of her, I hope she knows this- it is her fault. I turn away and get dressed not wanting to give any more of my time to the crack whore. When I walk downstairs I see that my mother has laid out the table with my favorite breakfast.

"Happy Birthday Sweety" she says with a huge smile on her face.

I smile, my mother is amazing to do all this for me but I wish she could have a better son. She deserves one that she can be proud of.

"Happy Birthday Christian" Mia yells as she runs to hug me.

"Thanks Mia" I say laughing

"I can't wait until the party tonight. Mom bought me a new dress and she's even letting me wear heels. Just wait until you see what I bought you" I groan, I don't like gifts. People don't need to waste their time on me. I finish my breakfast and head back to my room. I need some time to think about Elena's proposal. I don't know what it will be like. My mind wanders back to Elena. I smile remembering her smile and remembering the way she makes me feel. I'd rather be spending today with her. I hear a knock on my window breaking me out of my thoughts.

"How the fuck did you get up here Elliot?" he never fails to suprise me.

"Not really relevant, we need to go celebrate your birthday or would you rather spend the whole day in here?"

"What do you have in mind?"

he smiles "Let's go"

* * *

Elliot's idea of fun was trying to pick up girls while teaching me how it was done. I didn't talk very much and the whole time I was thinking about Elena. I felt I might be betraying her by doing this. As always the girls were attracted to the pretty face and one of them moved closer to me and immediately I tensed. Elliot noticed this and finally decided to do something different. He took my me dirt back riding instead.

"First one to get down the slope wins" Elliot tells me as we are about to take off.

"Want to put money on it Grey?" I ask

"50 bucks"

"You better have that 50"

"Oh I love your confidence little bro but I'm sorry to say that you are in for an ass kicking"

I laugh "We'll see, make sure you have that 50"

I have to say that I did enjoy kicking Elliot's ass even though surprisingly he did not have the 50. He claims to have let me win because it was my birthday and claims that was his payment. I smile, he can be such a sorry ass sore loser sometimes.

* * *

We get to the party and instantly I am overwhelmed. There are so many people who come up to us and like I predicted they lie to my face about how great I am and how I've grown up so fast. I can't deal with this anymore so I turn to leave.

"Elena" my mother exclaims. My head whips back around and I stare at her in shock. My mother greets her with a hug and I am happy to see that she came alone. I think I stand there with my mouth open for a few seconds until my mother gestures for us to sit down. I have so many thoughts going through my head. Did she come here just to see me?

"Elena, how are the rennovations coming along?" my dad asks her

"They are coming along well, thank you for asking Carrick. They are actually coming along better now that Christian is helping us clean up the yard. You should have seen it, it was such a mess" she says glancing at me.

"Really? Is he doing a good job then? He never seems to want to talk about it"

"He is doing an excellent job" she says smirking

"Elena would you like something to drink" my mother asks her

"Some wine would be nice"

"Christian would you mind getting two glasses of pinot noir from the bar over there? They will know what you are talking about" I get up but as I walk away I can still hear the conversation.

"Thank you so much Elena, I think he is really enjoying it. I have never seen him so happy"

"It's nothing Grace, I should be thanking him he has been such a tremendous help" They continue their conversation and when I get back to the table my mother asks me to go talk to some of the guests because they were here to wish me a happy birthday. After a few minutes I can't take it anymore so I leave the room. I search for the one thing that brings me peace besides Elena. I sit down and start to play. I feel like I've been transported to another world.

"You play beautifully" my head whips around and I see Elena in the doorway. Fuck she looks hot tonight. Her hair is slightly curled and her emerald dress shows off her breasts perfectly.

I nod embarrassed.

"Why are you in here when the party that was thrown for you is out there?"

"I needed some quiet, it got too crowded" I say nervously

"Not a big fan of crowds?"

"No"

"What are you a fan of Christian? You are very hard to figure out"

I smirk "Music"

"What was that piece called" She asks as she starts to walk towards me.

"Moonlight Sonata " I studder "It's by Beethoven"

I see she has made her way all the way towards me. "Beethoven, he seems a little old for you" she asks surprised

"Yeah he was the first composer I learned to play" I explain nervously

she smirks "Me too"

before I can answer her she pulls my shirt and presses her lips onto mine. Her hand rests on my thigh and I feel myself grow excited. Shit that has never happened before, I have never felt like this before. Her tounge slips into my mouth and I moan. Her hand traces my now hardened length. She pulls back and smirks at me while I try to catch my breath. "Come let's get back to the party"

"The party goes the same: people laugh and drink while most talk to my parents. I sit at a table in the back not wanting to be noticed.

"May I have everyone's attention please" my dad announces to the room "I am usually not one for speeches but for this occasion I can make an exception. I am not vey good at these but I can say this: Christian you have made my life more excitinmidlife fulfilling and every second worth it. Ii am going to let my eldest son take over before I mess this up" he hands the mic to Elliot.

"My brother and I have had many ups and downs in your lives but Christian is the most amazing little brother I could have asked for. He is also the strongest person I know" Elliot continues his speech embarrassing me by bringing up the funniest stories of me. At the end of his speech Elliot holds up his glass "To Christian" the crowd follows his example "To Christian" as Elliot walks off a video begins to play. It is full of pictures of me growing up. This is too much for me so I walk outside for some air. I don't hear Elena come out after me.

"First I find you in a room by yourself now I find you out here" she says "you must really not like crowds"

"I needed some air" I say excited and nervous. I have no idea what she is going to do now. She's always full of suprises.

"I'm sure it was more than that" I meet her gaze and I sigh

"people think of me too highly"

"No they don't. They see what I see. You are a very special boy: you are bright and talented you just don't realize it"

"I have my reasons"

"what reasons are those"

I stay silent and stare at the lake.

"Have you though about what I asked you?"

I stare down at my hands "yes"

"and"

"what is it like? I know what you told me but I need to know more than that"

"what is your question Christian?"

I hesitate " how can you enjoy beating someone?" I want to ask will it hurt but I feel that would be stupid.

"I enjoy control Christian not beating someone. I don't beat people for pain, I beat them for pleasure unless it's for punishment. I've told you before that there is pleasure in pain. I know the difference between real pain and pleasurable pain trust me. It wouldn't be the kind of beating you are thinking about."

I look at her "What about our relationship, what will that be like?"

"it will be something like this but I will be your dominant Christian. I will have control over you but it will not be something that will make you uncomfortable, you will like me to be in control." Even though it's strange, I believe her. Her words are soothing to me. "I will see you inside Christian" She kisses me and walks back into the house. I stare up at the sky deeply reflecting on her words. I needed her to clarify these things because I need her in my life. I have never felt these things I feel with her. I walk back into the house with the intention of finding her. I see her sitting down alone at a table. Couples are making their way to the dance floor. Mia steps in front of me and pulls me to the dance floor. I start to spin her around and she giggles. I look back towards the table but see Elena is no longer there. A break comes in the song and we switch partners. I smile as I end up with Elena.

"Yes" I whisper

"Yes what Christian?" She asks

I don't hesitate" yes Elena I will be your sub"

She smirks at me and her eyes hide something beneath them and I feel myself harden again. She kisses my cheek and then whispers in my ear "Goodnight Christian , I will see you tomorrow" The way she said the last sentence sounded more threatening than cheerful but I shrug it off. I have no idea how to prepare myself but I know there is no going back, this is what I choose.

* * *

I walk into the Lincoln house excited and nervous. My thoughts are all over the place and I have no idea what to expect. I walk into the study and my jaw drops when I see Elena. She is wearing a skintight red mini dress and heels. She smirks at me and walks over to kiss me. As she kisses me I instantly feel at peace. "Come" she says her voice devoid of emotion. She leads me to the same door at the end of the hallway. She walks over to the radio and I smile when she puts on Beethoven's Midnight Sonata.

"Kneel" she says coldly. Nervously I do what she asks and stare up at her.

"lay back on your legs and spread them open. Put your hands on your thighs and spread your fingers. Look at the ground"

I do as she asks.

"This is called the submissive pose Christian. When you are in this room I want you to drop to this position. I want you to just be in your underwear unless I tell you otherwise."

My heartbeat quickens. Am I comfortable with that?

"You may call me Elena any other time but in this room you are to refer to me as Miss or Mistress" she says staring down at me "you may not speak or look at me unless you are given permission to, do you understand"

"yes"

"yes what" she asks with no emotion

I think for a moment "yes Miss" I feel so out of control. I hear her walk over to one of the chests.

"I need you to obey everything I tell you but if something goes pass your limits you will use a safe word. What I do is meant to put you out of your comfort zone so do not use these words unless you truly can not handle it. You will use the words yellow as a warning to me that you are getting close to your limit. You will use the word red to tell me to completely stop" my heart is racing. I feel so many things: scared, excited, out of control.

" Do you know what limits are?"

"no"

"no what Christian"

" no Miss"

"limits are things that you never want to do. We can figure that out later. Christian I need your trust. Do you trust me?"

I don't hesitate "yes Miss"

"I will not just be your Dom in this room Christian, I will be your Dom everywhere. You will always have the option of leaving but if you do then that is it. I will not chase after you"

"Christian I want you to undress." My heart races. I don't think I can do that. I glance up at her. "Eyes down Christian" she says coldly. My hands move to my shirt and carefully I unbotton it. I am mindful of my scars and I want to cover them. No one has seen them except for my family. She walks over to me. "stand up" I do and she says "I'm going to do this part" she unbottons my jeans and I hold my breath. She slides down my jeans and I realize how close she is to me. I step out of my jeans and let out my breath.

"in the submissive pose Christian" I get back into my previous position. Never have I felt more bare in my life. I have never been this naked in front of someone who wasn't my mother.

"get on your hands and knees Christian" Elena runs her hands down my arms sending shivers down my spine. Her hands move to my hair and she tugs it and I moan. She leaves and I hear her pull something out of the chest. She runs it from my feet, up my legs, up the side of my stomach mindful of my forbidden area and down my arms. I moan feeling excited. She shows me it and I see it is the flogger that she showed me before. "There is pleasure in pain Christian" she reminds me. I tense. I have no idea what this will feel like. This is what I have been dreading. My mind starts to wonder to my past beatings but I shake it off. This won't be anything like that I tell myself. I then feel her place something over my eyes and I know it's a blindfold. I start to panic because I can't see anything. I can only hear her. Without warning me Elena strikes her first hit on the back of my legs. I gasp in suprise. It tingles and it felt exciting. It was nothing like I expected. Her hand slaps my ass and I moan. She does it again and instantly I harden.

All of a sudden the flogger hits my ass and I almost fall over. Shit I did not expect that-that one hurt. She continues to hit me and it becomes more painful. I grunt and start to move. "Don't move Christian" she warns. All I can think about is the pain I am in but the pain actually excites me, it starts to feel good after a while. I like this, this feels good. I feel better. This clicks for me. This is okay I think to myself, she's not touching me. It is pleasurable. I feel my control slipping away as I submit to Elena. The flogger continues to hit me and I bite my lip as I feel it tear through my skin. I feel like this is right like I need to be whipped to control me. With each strike I feel more excited and more pleasured. After a while Elena stops.

"You still had your underwear on so it did not bite through your skin too bad. How was that?" She asks

"good, really good" I say

She smirks and brings my lips to hers. Her tounge slips in my mouth and I'm on fire. This is amazing. This is where I'm supposed to be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews. Please leave me a review for the story whether it be praise or criticism. I don't know how many people are enjoying reading it so it motivates me to finish it! I do plan on taking the story all the way through their journey up until the day Christian meets Ana There is so much that happens between them.**

"what about this one?" Elliot asks as he holds up another club. I roll my eyes we have never played golf in our lives but he seems to think our parent's country club is the newest place to pick up girls.

"Do you even know how to play golf Elliot?"

"It can't be that hard" I snort and he proceeds to look at the different golf clubs. As I walk farther back in to the store I notice Elliot has caught his first victim. He is talking to a pretty blonde and sadly she falls for his tricks. I wonder what that feels like- to have someone touch you like that. He walks out with her but turns back to wink at me. Her blonde hair reminded me of Elena and I smile.

It has been three weeks since I first met Elena Lincoln. Three weeks since that fateful slap that sealed my fate. Three weeks since my world was completely turned upside down. Elena has continued to teach me about the bdsm lifestyle. It is so different from anything I have ever known. At first I dreaded the beating but know it is something that excites me. It makes me feel more controlled. Elena has complete control over my life and that one thought is so comforting. I feel like I was falling into a pit of nothingness and Elena reached out and saved me. She has given me direction. She has ordered me to stop drinking which I don't have any idea how she found out about, to stop fighting and to pick up my grades. These are her conditions. She has warned me about breaking them and I know better. I take enough beatings from her I can't even imagine what a punishment would feel like. Elena is keeping me in check and in control, something none of my therapists could ever accomplish. I am indebted to her for that. She is all I need. I barely want to go home and when I leave all I think about is her. Elena has also helped with another problem: my virginity.

I am sitting in the study which is a strange occurrence for me. I haven't been here since the day Elena offered all this to me. Whenever I am here I am in what Elena calls the playroom. I smile to myself as I think about all the shit that has happened there. My mind races and my cock hardens just thinking about it. The playroom has become a place of numbness and peace for me, an escape. I can't even imagine what Elena has planned for today, she can be pretty creative. I see her walk in and before I can greet her, her lips are on mine. Her fingers tug my hair and I moan against her lips. Her tounge slips into my mouth showing its dominance. Her hand travels down and she moans when she feels my hardened length. She breaks away and she smirks at me. She leaves and I know where she's headed so I follow her. I usually have my clothes off before I enter the room but now seems like a good enough time. I slip off my clothes leaving just my underwear and assume the submissive position. I find it strange that I am so used to this now.

"Close your eyes Christian" my mistress demands and I obey her. I hear her slip on some music and I can't help but smile. Her fascination with beating me to classical composers amuses me. I wonder what they would think if they could see this scene.

"open your eyes" she says and I do as I'm told. When I do I am met by the biggest shock of my life. There before me stands me a naked Elena. I have never seen a naked woman before except for Elliot's magazines. My eyes travel over her body and I feel my cock harden. My mouth drops open. She is perfect I think to myself. Her breasts are big and round. I remember feeling those. My eyes travel down to her sex and I have no idea what to think about that.

"stand up Christian" nervously I do. Her hands grab my hair and she pulls my lips to hers. She kisses me with passion and I can barely keep up.

"Feel me Christian" she whispers against my lips. My hands immediately begin to roam her body. I start at her breast. I press my hands against them and she moans. I see her nipples are hard so I move my hand to feel those. My cock aches an i crave her touch. She moves my head down and I don't know what she wants me to do but I grab her nipple in my mouth and pull. She moans and my hands move down to grab her ass. Her dominant side takes over and she pulls my lips to hers and walks me over to the bed. Her hands move to the line of my underwear and I panic. I break the kiss.

"trust me Christian" she whispers an I start to relax. Her mouth finds mine again and she traces my length before pulling them to the ground. I stand there barre and ashamed. No one has seen me like this. I feel her hand travel up my thigh and I gasp when she grabs my length. Her hand moves up and down my length and I moan. Shit that feels good. Is this what Elliot brags about if so then I can see why. She takes something off the bed and I can see it's a condom. Shit. I have no idea what to do with that. She rips it open and looks into my eyes as he slides it on. She pulls me to the bed and I am lost in her.

She was patient with me and helped me find the right areas. She talked to me helping me find a rythm and showed me what would feel best. It was amazing. I think about Elliot and smile. This was incredible no wonder he brags about it all the time. I know I could never talk about this with him because he would want to know who was it. I don't know if her would approve of Elena or not but I know for damn sure what he would think about the bdsm. He would be disgusted by me. I need it, I can't let him find out.

I walk out of the store and stop at the cafe. As I peer into the window I see a man putting together a helicopter replica. I would love to be able to fly one of those, it would be so freeing to just be alone in the air for as long as I wanted.

* * *

Today went just like all days go: shitty. Thanks to Elena I am actually paying attention in class and am doing fairly well. My teacher notice a difference in me and they can't explain it. Some of them thought I was cheating so they moved my desk away from everyone else and that made me want to try even harder. Needless to say I shocked the fuck out of them. My mother has also noticed this change and she repeatedly tells me how proud she is of me-which I manage to shrug off. I am doing this for Elena. People are starting to try to talk to me again but I don't really want really care to hear them. I have Elena now, she is all I need.

As I walk out of the building I am shocked to see Elena waiting for me in her lexus. I hear some guys gasp behind me "who the fuck is that" they ask staring at her. "Fuck she's hot"

I smirk getting into the passenger seat ignoring the shocked glances being sent my way. I didn't really appreciate the way they were speaking about her but decided to not cause any trouble. I need to see her after suffering through the day, she can remove all my tension and clear my thoughts. She grabs my chin and pulls my lips to hers. The kiss starts off slow and then moves to animalistic. She smirks at me when she pulls away. Fuck, what that smirk does to me I think when I feel myself harden.

"How was school?" she asks

"It was school"

Her eyebrows raise and I know she's warning me. "It was fine, I'm passing everything"

"That's excellent Christian, I told you could do anything if you set your mind to it"

"Is there a reason why you picked me up today" I ask knowing the answer already.

She smirks "I needed to see you, I didn't want to wait. I'm not a very patient woman if you haven't figured that out already"

"Trust me I have" I say remembering our times in the playroom.

"I will see you in the playroom in ten minutes" she says as we pull up the driveway.

"Elena" Linc calls as soon as we're inside. Elena makes her way into the kitchen and I stand near the doorway curious as to what he has to say.

"Here" she replies. He sees her and smiles. His hands wrap around her waist and I feel a pang of jealousy. He kisses her check and I see her stiffen. I can see how unhappy she is and I have no idea why she won't leave him. "I wanted to see you before I left for work"

"Well you've seen me" she replies icly and I smile "Go off now, I need to attend some business and so do you"

He smiles and he gives her one last kiss before he heads out the door. She glances up at me and I immediately head for the playroom. I strip down and assume the submissive position.

I hear Elena's heels a few minutes later. As always she locks the door and turns on the radio. It's Mozart today. I hear her walk back towards me.

"Do I like to wait Christian"

"No Mistress"

"Then why did you not come straight to the playroom?"

I have no idea what to say. "ANSWER" Elena turns into a completely different person when she is in her domme mode.

"I don't know Mistress" I say nervously.

"Maybe I need to remind you that I am in control, and if I say that I do not like to wait then I should not wait"

I feel her take my hands and put them behind my back. She binds them with some handcuffs tightly. She tugs my head back before wrapping a black cloth over my eyes to blindfold me. I feel most out control when I have the blindfold on.

"Hands and knees" she orders. I feel something slide up my skin. Its light and its exciting. It tickles but its teasing and it makes me crave her touch even more. She slides it down my legs and I moan when I feel myself harden. I have to be careful as I am not allowed to cum without permission. The teasing continues and it's starting to become unbearable.

"please" I beg her. That only drives her to continue and she slows her pace. I moan feeling I will cum if she continues. I try to get my mind off it.

Finally it stops. "Lay over the bed Christian" I get up awkwardly and I know she is enjoying the sight of me trying to find the bed. I run into the edge of the bed and lay over it.

I feel my handcuffs tighten and I know she attached something to them. I try to move my hands slightly but they are pulled back. Am I chained? She runs a paddle down my legs and I tense. She slips my underwear down and I know I will be feeling some pain. The paddle hits my ass and I bite my lip. Fuck it hurts. She hits me again and I moan, my cock is aching. As she hits me I feel all my anger and thoughts of my past lift and I feel numb. I can escape from them in the playroom. I can control them-Elena can control them instead of them controlling me. It's another reason that I am indebted to her. She is slowly fixing me. The paddle collides with my thigh and I grunt.

"Are you going to make me wait again Christian?" she asks as she strikes me again.

"No Mistess" I say through gritted teeth.

"Sit up and turn around" she grabs my cock in her hands and I moan. Her hand slides down my cock and back up. She continues and I slow teasing rthym before she speed up. Shit I can't do this I don't have this much control. I moan and form my hands into fists letting the nails dig into my skin. Shit, I try to hold it in.

"You are very hard dear we need to do something about that" I moan when I feel her lower herself onto my throbbing cock. My hands are still tied so she is in complete control. She fucks me wildly. Her hands tug my head back as she picks up her pace. I feel so close. I can't take anymore. "Please" I beg "Please, Please"

"Please what?"

"Please may I cum Mistress"

"You may cum after me Christian" she says as she continues with her fast pace. I grunt and once again dig my nails into my skin. I feel her explode and I sigh in relief as I let myself explode. She gets up off of me. "You've gotten better"

* * *

After our session in the playroom we head to the kitchen. I see a very uncomfortable Barbra preparing a meal. She stops what she's doing "Mrs. Lincoln" she says but won't look up at us. Elena walks over the pantry and grabs two bottles of wine.

"Pinot Noir or Chablis?" she asks. I am suprised she's letting me drink.

I snort "There's a difference"

"There is a huge difference, it's all based on prefrance"

She pours me a small amount of the Pinot Noir and hands it to me. I taste it is rich. Much better than the bourbon and Whiskey I am used to. She takes the glass and then pours in a small amount of the Chablis. This one is bitter but I am more used to that.

"Which one do you prefer?"

"The Chablis"

She smiles. "Wine says a lot about a person. Based on your preferance I can tell that you like dominance and like like to be in control over any situation" she smirks at me "That might be a problem"

She hands me another glass of the Chablis. "I don't think it will be" She should know already that she has me completely lost in her.

Elena pushes me back into the counter and I smirk at her. She grabs my chin and pulls my lips to hers. Her mouth begins to show me her dominance. She's proving to me that she is in control. I hear Barbra drop something and hurry out but we're too wrapped up in each other to care.

* * *

Things with my family have been different since I met Elena. I spend all my time with her or thinking about her. I know I have distanced myself from them but I think it is for the best.

"Christian, I haven't see you in forever" Mia exclaims as she sees me laying on my bed.

"Hey Mia" I say with not too much emotion.

"Will you please help me with Chello practice?"

"I'm really tired Mia, maybe another day"

"You always say that" Then take a fucking hint.

"Leave me alone Mia"

"Your being so mean"

I sigh. She leans over to grab my pillow to hit me and I grab her wrists.

Her face grows shocked "What is that Christian?"

I glance down and then I notice the red whelps and bruises on my wrists. Shit. Elena must have had them on really tight. "Nothing, Get out" I say as I try to pull my sleeves down.

"Christian what happened?" she asks worriedly.

I see she is not going to take a hint so I grab her wrists and push her out of my room. I slam the door in her face and lay back on my bed. I have never been so rude to Mia but she just doesn't know when to leave me alone. I glance at my wrists again and I smile, I actually enjoy having a reminder of my previous activities.

* * *

I have not been able to escape the thoughts of the crack whore today. I had the most vivid dream of the pimp beating me almost to the point of death last night. I need to see Elena today, I need her to help me forget. She has a way to tell when I'm angry.

Barbra tells me Elena is looking for me and she is in her room. I know she's uncomfortable with me and Elena. I walk up to her room but I don't see her. I hear movement in the bathroom so I walk in. I smile when I see Elena in the bath tub. I slide against the wall and sit down.

"You seem irate" Elena says

I shrug "That's not new to me"

"Why?"

"I've always been this way"

"I used to be that way."

"What happened?"

"How was your day today Christian?" she says carefully avoiding my question.

"My dad found a new therapist for me. One of the rich pricks from an ivy league school"

"You should really watch your attitude Mr. Grey, it will get you into a lot of trouble one day"

I smirk "I think it already has" She is all the trouble I need right now and boy is she trouble.

She smirks. "You need to see him"

I am taken aback but I know I have given her control of me.

"They know more than you think, they could really help you if you let them" she says

"Not the ones I've seen"

"Have you truly given them a chance?"

"It's hard for me to. They know nothing about what I've been through"

"You seem to be opening up to me, what is the difference?"

"You actually help me"

She smirks. "Playroom fifteen minutes"

* * *

"Who was that yesterday Grey?" I recognize him as a student from my biology class. I think his name is Greg.

I ignore him, I need to find my control but he's caught me on a pretty bad day.

"She was hot. Are you fucking her?"

I try to walk away but he steps in front of me.

"I found myself asking that question yesterday but then I remembered you don't like to be touched so how would that be possible?. Unless she can fuck you without touching you"

I stare at him and I think my face gives it away.

"What's wrong with being touched Grey?" he says smirking.

"Get away from me" I say with gritted teeth.

"It's really simple you know" I can see he's about to touch my chest, he's wanting to see my reaction. I do the only thing I know and I resort to beating the shit out of him.

The principal is walking Greg down the hall while I'm sitting in my reserved spot outside his office.

"You're a fucking freak Grey" Greg says while holding tissue to stop his nose from bleeding.

The principal is ranting and I know this will not be good for me.

I see my mom coming down the hall and she gives me her favorite look of dissapointment.

"I need him out of this school" the principal says.

"Please" my mom begs. "Your school states that you work with children who have issues. You can't turn away from my son while you've worked with hundred like him"

"We work with children Mrs. Grey, not animals" he says. My mother follows him into his office.

That's when I see Elena. Her face is hard when she looks at me.

Shit. This is really not going to be good.

**Please leave a review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for the reviews! I completely understand that the sex scenes between Christian and Elena could be uncomfortable for some but that is my intention. If that is how it makes you feel then I am doing my job for this part of the story. Elena is nothing more than a child predator who took advantage of a young, desperate boy and I intend to portray her as such. This may be the last chapter for a while.**

"I can't believe you Christian" my mom says as soon as were in the car. "You knew how important this was, you had one more chance and what did you do?"

I can't bring words to my mouth. I feel like I've failed her again. Maybe its the last time, maybe she'll finally give up on me.

"How could you do this Christian? What more can we do. Tell me. Is this going to be a never ending cycle?"

I can tell she's close to tears of frustration. She sighs "You were doing so well"

The pain hits me as soon as I'm in my room. I can't believe it, I fucked up again. What the fuck is wrong with me. I can't control myself. I can't control the anger inside of me that consumes me. I kick my desk chair and I collapse. I feel so empty, so alone. The only person who understands me is now pissed off at me too. Can I even face her? I know it won't be pretty. Will she give up on me too?

* * *

GRACE POV

"What else can we do Carrick?" I ask him. I'm so close to tears all I want to do is scream. We've tried everything I have no idea what's left. I can tell he's lost whenever I look into his beautiful grey eyes all I see is pain. No fifteen year old should have that much pain in their eyes, it's not right. My son is broken and I have no idea what to do. His own mother can't help him.

Carrick closes the drawer and comes to sit on the bed next to me. "I don't know Grace, I don't know"

We both stay silent before he speaks again "I suppose I can look into finding another school but.."

"But what then, what happens when he decides to fight someone else and gets kicked out again? We can't keep doing this" I almost yell but I remember Mia and Christian are upstairs.

"I know dear but right now it's all we can do." he looks at me and I can see the same pain I feel for our son in his eyes.

I move closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder "I don't know what to do Carrick" I feel tears forming in my eyes. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me. We both feel so helpless and lost. I'm glad we have each other to lean on.

"Do you remember when Christian was little how he wouldn't go in the pool"

* * *

"Come on sweety" I say trying to coax him to get near the water. He shakes his head and runs to hide in the corner of the fence. I instantly get dejavu of when I first saw him in the hospital.

"Come on Christian" Elliot yells as he jumps in the pool. "Mommy look" he asks as he shows me he can swim. I smile at him "Good job my little fish" he giggles and I turn back to Christian.

"Do you want to come in the pool sweety?" I ask.

He shakes his head no rapidly. "It's really fun, look at Elliot"

He looks at Elliot who is showing off his swim lessons. He shakes his head no again. I don't know why he is afraid to go in the pool but I am determined not to let him have anymore fears than he already has. I want him to have a normal life so I know that it is my job to help him face some of his fears.

"What are you scared of Christian" I ask hoping for a reply but all I get is silence.

" You know I would never let anything happen to you." He looks at me hopelessly and my heart sinks. I see the pain in his eyes that is engraved into his soul. I can not bear to think of what has happened to him to make him never trust anyone, to not even trust me.

"What if I promise to hold your hand?" he looks at me and I know that he doesn't like that idea. He's always kept to himself and rejected all of our touches.

"Do you want to play a game?" He smiles and shakes his head yes. We're getting somewhere.

"Close your eyes sweety. I want you to spread your arms and I will spread mine too. We are going to be planes. Can you be mommy's little plane?" He smiles and shakes his head yes.

"Okay let's fly" we start walking slowly and can see the stairs from here. "We have to turn left hurry there is some birds and if we don't turn fast we are going to hit them"

We turn to the left swifty and he giggles. We continue to walk and I smile when I glance at Christian. His arms are spread wide and he is smiling joyfully. He looks completely at peace and I wish I could just stay in this moment forever. I look up and see Carrick and Elliot watching us.

"Come on my little plane we're almost there" I say as I reach the stairs. I quickly climb down them and lift Christian by his hands in the air. "Oh no we have to land one of the engine is blown" I bring him in the water and his eyes shoot open.

I let go of both of his hands and wait for his reaction. "We're here my little plane"

I splash some water around and smile at him. He looks at me and then does the same. He starts to giggle and I relax.

"Come play with me Christian" Elliot says when he reaches us. Christian goes off to play with his brother and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Well done Grace" Carrick says as he wraps his arms around me. I smile at him and we watch as our sons splash each other laughing. I will live for moments like this, moments to see my son free from the darkness that wants to consume him, moments when my family is peacefully happy.

Of course Christian loved the water after that but that was what it took to get there.

"It was baby steps Grace. He may move forward one step and then a hundred steps back but he will get there. Just like the pool when he accomplished that and we could see the joy in him. We will have many moments like that but also moments like now. We just have to walk with him and see where the journey takes us"

"I love you" I say. He kisses my head and smiles. "I love you too Grace, now let's sleep we both have a big day tommorrow"

* * *

I walk into the Lincoln home and its silent. This is a huge contrast to what will be happening soon. I know I fucked up and I need Elena to help me fix it. I need her help me so I will take whatever punishment she will give me. I strip my clothes and walk into the playroom. I assume the submissive position and wait. Waiting is the worst part because my mind goes crazy with all the possibilities of what could happen. I know its going to hurt but I have no idea how bad. I hear the door open and the familiar click of heels. Shit here we go. She stays silent which only drives my mind even more crazy.

"stand up" she says. I obey and keep my eyes down. She slides my underwear down and walks away. I hear her unlock a door and push it open.

"Walk through" she says. "Look up" I do and see she is smirking as I walk through the door.

I am completely overwhelmed and my jaw drops open. I have never see anything like this before. What the fuck is this? Everything looks like it could be used to torture someone. I do a double take and start from the left side again. I see a red wooden bench that I know won't be used for sitting, a chair that is full of restraints, stocks like they used in the fucking medieval ages, a giant red cross, and hanging from the cieling a few chains. In the back of the room I can see a few things that I am familiar with: a bed and a rack of objects Elena usually uses on me.

The sound of Mozart playing snaps me out of my thoughts and I see Elena walking towards me. Her eyes are hard and there is nothing calming about her. I gulp and freeze where I'm standing.

"Come" she says coldly and I feel I can't move. She looks back at me with a pure look of rage and I follow her. She leads me to the bench. "Lay over it"

As I do I feel her restrain my arms with cuffs. She moves to my feet and does the same. I am completely at her mercy which is not a comforting thought right now. I wait for her as I hear her walk to get something. This is not going to be something that I'm going to enjoy.

"You disappointed me yesterday Christian" her tone is flat and frightening.

"I do recall telling you that you were not to get into any fights." I hear her walking around me. Right now she is a predator and I am her prey. Prey that is laying helplessly before her with no way to defend itself.

"But yet you defied me and fought anyway even when I had told you the consequences"

I fell her tug me hair and she forces me to meet her gaze "What shall I do about that?" she asks. I stare into her eyes and they are empty. For the first time I am actually scared of her. She lets my hair go and walks to the back of me. My nerves pick up and I am scared of what she is going to do to me.

She slides something along my ass and I tense. Whatever it is, it feels wooden. This is not going to be good for me. Without warning she hits my ass and I grunt. I hold onto my restraints having felt the most pain I have felt in a while. She hits me again and I almost scream. My mind wanders back again to my past beatings and right now I can't tell the difference. She hits me again and this time I let out a scream. I bit my lip as I feel another blow. This fucking hurts. The pain is almost unbearable. I've been hit like this before and now it's being repeated. Right now I feel like I was born to be beat. She strikes me again and I feel it tear through my skin. I clench my fists but that does nothing to help the pain. The pain is excruciating and I just want it to end. I almost safe word but I know I deserve this. I am the one who fucked up, I am the one who deserves the punishment. I think back to all the times I've dissapointed my family and I feel all the hate in my body rise. I deserve this pain. Every punch, every kick, every strike. This is what happens when I fuck up. I submit to the pain. Elena strikes me again and I feel it tear through my skin again. I feel tears forming in my eyes but I will not stop it. I hear her walk away giving me time to take a break. I hear the click of her heels again and I tense when I sense she is near me. I hear a whoosh near me. Fuck is that a whip? I get my answer when I feel it tear through my skin. I scream and feel the tears in my eyes fall.

"Why did you defy me Christian" she asks. I feel the whip cut through more skin and the tears continue to fall.

wanting the pain to stop I shout "I don't know Mistress"

"You must know if you did it" she says and the whip once again makes contact with my ass.

"No mistress" I say

"Are you going to defy me again?" she asks as she strikes me again.

"No" I say through gritted teeth. She strikes me again and I bite my lip.

"No what"

"No Mistress" I say

"Christian what happens to those who break the rules?"

"They are punished Mistress"

"That is right Christian, they are punished. They deserve it though do they not?"

"Yes Mistress" I say geniually. I do deserve this for putting my family through all the shit I've put them through. She hits me again with the whip and I grunt.

She releases the restraints and I sink to the ground on my hands and knees. I let the remaining tears fall but I stop any new ones from forming. I deserved that I think to myself. I don't deserve to feel sorry for myself. I slowly assume the submissive position wincing as my ass briefly makes contact with the ground.

Elena circle me and I can't imagine what could be left. What else can she do to me? She grips my chin and forces me to look up at her.

"You have a problem Christian. Do you know what it is?"

I look at her not knowing what to say. I know I have a problem and I need help but I can't explain it "No Mistress"

She smirks at me "It is control Christian. You refuse to submit. That is why you continue to make mistakes. I know the anger inside of you I've experienced it before. Do you want to know what saved me from it?"

I continue to stare at her "The playroom saved me Christian. You and I we have needs we need to fill to feel sane, to feel human. We're not like anyone else. I could see it in your eyes the first day we met, you crave it but you didn't know it yet. I see you in the playroom and I know what you feel, what I feel. This is our place Christian, it makes us feel right in the world. Your place is submission Christian. I can teach you to control this anger and the hate but you cannot defy me anymore. There will be no more of what happened the other day is that understood."

"You can choose to walk away now or you can choose to finally be in control. Do you want to be in control Christian"

I nod my head desperately. This is what I have always asked for: a way to control myself. A way to control my pain and torment. She kisses me roughly and I am desperate for her breakthrough.

* * *

I wince as I feel my ass stinging with every step I take. I make it into the bathroom so I can survey the damage. Shit. It doesn't look like I have any skin left. What's left of my ass is gashes and purple marks. That's what I get for hurting everyone. I quickly pull up my pants when I hear my mother walking up the stairs.

"Christian sweety can we have a talk"

I open the door and she is smiling at me. I half smile at her but I don't understand her love towards me. What more can I do to finally break her? She sits on my bed and I know she's expecting me to sit beside her. I can't sit down or she know something is wrong. I can't let her see my marks or she'll take it all away from me. I lean up against the wall and cross my arms.

"Sweetheart come sit down so we can chat"

I slowly walk to the opposite side of the bed which earns a frown from my mother. I slowly sit on my bed and bit my lip with all my strength to keep the pain I am feeling off of my face.

"I have some good news. Elena made a few phone calls to the president of the school, apparently he has a good business relationship with Linc and he has agreed to let you continue attending the school"

I stare at her. Elena called them?

"I think you owe the principal an apology. I also think you need to show your gratitude to Elena, she did not have to do this" I snort if only she knew.

"Christian this is no laughing matter. Elena might have been able to help you this time but there will be no next time. This is your last shot. Please try to take it seriously" I can hear the desperation in her voice.

"I do mom"

She smiles at me but her face grows blank and she looks horrified. I look down to see what she is looking at and I gasp. I forgot to cover up the bruises from Elena's handcuffs.

"Christian what is that?"

I grow panicked. I know I can't say nothing because she will only push for more answers and I definately can not tell her the truth. Thankfully they are just bruises now and not whelps. It makes it easier to lie.

"It's from the fight. The kid held my wrists with all his strength to keep me from punching him but I guess that didn't work out to well" I think it is a solid lie and I'm hoping that she buys it.

She looks at them as if she's trying to see if what I said was possible.

Finally she says "Why didn't you tell me? Come they need to be soaked and iced" I let out a sigh or relief and almost collapse. Thankfully it was my wrists and not my ass because they is no way I could have lied about that.

* * *

I sigh remember my promise to my dad and Elena to see Dr. Rosenberg. This should be entertaining.

"Hello Christian, my name is Dr. Rosenburg. How are you today" I am instantly put off by his tone. He is taking to me like a child.

"super" I state without any emotion. I decide to talk to him to see how this plays out.

"Thats great. shall we begin? Can you tell me about your childhood?" he asks in that same tone.

"we'll let's see my mother was a whore, she like to snort cocaine, but you know her pimp was really nice he just liked to beat the shit out of us until she couldn't take it anymore and she offed herself"

i smile an he looks shocked. That was definitely not what he was expecting. What can I say I am one fucked up kid.

"can you tell me about that" he asks once he's recovered from the shock. I realize he must be used to dealing with cases of kids who have anger problems or who suffer from loneliness.

I snort "which part? The cocaine or the prostitution"

"I was referring to what you felt about all this"

"I feel great"

"no child suffers from that without any reprocessions. You must feel something whether its anger or abandonment"

I shrug and kick me feet up.

"you need a source to take out all the emotions you are feeling" there's that same phrase that Ross brought up. I decide to humor him.

"I have"

"really? What source have you found"

"sex-it really takes the edge off of things."

he stares at me his mouth hanging open like he can't believe a fifteen year old boy said that.

"Mr. Grey I don't think this is an appropriate topic"

I glance at his wedding band "is your wife into any kink Dr. Rosenburg? I really liked to be tied up" I wink at him.

"that is a highly inappropriate question"

"does she know your screwing around on her"

he stares at me in shock and his face confirms that I'm right.

"so is she into any kink doc?" He continues to stare at me and I'm really enjoying myself now.

"Ooh what kind is it" I smirk

"I think it's time for you to go Mr. Grey"

"we were just getting to the fun part" I exclaim.

he rushes out of the room and carefully explains to my dad that I beyond his help.

"Dr. Ross it is" my dad says watching Rosenburg storm from the building.

* * *

GRACE POV

"Thank you so much again. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Your doing the best you can Grace, no one would except you to do more" Elena tells me again. I honestly have no idea what I would have done with out her. She has been there for me even before Christian came into my life. She has gotten me through some tough situations with Christian and has always been there for me to lean on. I remember having a breakdown in front of her a couple times but she has given me some of the best advice I have gotten. I really don't know how to thank her enough for getting Christian back into his school, she really went above and beyond this time. She is one of the only people that Christian didn't run from growing up. He avoided Carrick but that was because he found it hard to trust men for a while. She actually knew how to handle him sometimes better than me.

_"Hey sweety there is someone I want you to meet" I say and he gives me a nod. I bring him over to meet one of my coworkers. She smiles at him and reaches out to hug him before I can stop her. He screams in pain and silence fills the air. Everyone looks up from their previous activities in time to see him run from the room. My face grows horrified because they have no idea what my son goes through everyday. Everyone stares at me in silence before Elena pulls me aside into an office space._

_"I knew this wouldn't be good for him, I just thought.."_

_"It's okay Grace, it happened. It is going to take a while for him to become comfortable around people"_

_"I don't know what to do. Nothing is I know. What should I tell everyone? It's none of their business but I want to tell them something before they make up some ridiculous story about him"_

_"You do not owe anyone an explanation. Besides half the people in there are cheating on their spouses so why would they need more gossip?"_

_"What do you think I should do? How do I help him overcome this?"_

_"Let him be for a while. Come we've been in here too long"_

_I nod and let her lead me out of the office. I try to go on as normal by talking to guests but all I can think about is the pain my son is in. I just want to run to him and take away his pain. I sigh because there is nothing I can do without causing him more pain._

I am so glad that she is in my life especially now. I am so close to having another meltdown.

"How can I make it up to you?"

"You won't. You already have so much on your plate"

"There must be something I can do"

"No. It's fine Grace"

"Is there anything Christian can do to show you his gratitude?"

She smirks "He already has. He's very grateful."

I decide to change the subject "How is everything going on with the extensions?"

"It's going well. We are nearly done. We will hopefully be done in January"

"That's good"

We engage in more conversation but my mind is elsewhere, like always it is mostly on Christian. I wonder how he is doing right now and my hope is that he is completely at peace but that might be a far stretch"


End file.
